REAL CHANGE

We all know that diets don’t work if there’s no real attitude change. Beating ourselves up and hating ourselves as methods of change have very few long-term benefits. Eckhart Tolle and others have said, “Whatever we resist persists,” because what we're focusing on is a negative thing, a problem. Whatever we declare war on doesn’t seem to solve any problems. For example, our war on poverty--have we managed to eradicate poverty yet? Dr. Paul Farmer (founder of Partners in Health which has been active in Haiti for decades) quotes a Haitian proverb: “God gives but does share,” which he translates as: “God gives humans everything we need to flourish, but he’s not the one who’s supposed to divvy up the loot. That charge was laid upon us.”

Something needs to refocus in each of us to stop doing battle against what is as a means to bring about change. We choose to do battle because we fear being out of control of both others and ourselves. We feel unsafe and worry about the safely of those we love. We fear being in pain, uncomfortable, hungry, lost, fore-closed upon, homeless, and the list goes on.

What would happen if we accepted who we are and how the world is as a place to begin? Acceptance of what is is a way that begins with love instead of with fear, with an open heart not one clamped closed in protection. We all know that if we want to see long-lasting changes in a child's behavior, we must start by meeting that child exactly where she is first. Then, through rewarding good behavior and refraining from punishing (affirming) bad behavior when possible, a positive foundation is laid that is based on love and acceptance (a more secure place for a child).

But how do we not respond negatively to bad behavior, difficult situations, what we can’t accept about ourselves, others, and the world? First of all, becoming conscious of how fear does not work as a path to peace and change is a giant first step. The rest of the journey is one of self-reflection and contemplation that connects us with our source of peace. There will be waaaaaaaaay more questions than answers but there will also be so much support as we allow the doors of our hearts to slowly but steadily creak open. Open hearts cannot but help to catalyze change.

When we choose to be open to see the good in all things around us, our attitudes will change. When we make the choice to step back from judging a person or situation (in other words, being part of the problem), answers arise, along with the courage and wisdom to implement them.

Have you ever tried to tell someone something who thinks they already know all the answers? It’s the stalemate we see unfolding every day between the Democrats and the Republicans. I know of a tiny, grassroots program called FOOD FOR FRIENDS that feeds two meals per week to 160 people. There’s no overhead—all donations of money go to buy food. The concept is very simple—get a bunch of food and feed hungry people. No one has an agenda beyond being a facilitator to change lack into abundance. Being part of this program blesses everyone involved.

When the focus of healthcare isn’t on the people who need healthcare, but which focuses on individual gain, who’s going to be re-elected, and “what about me?”, we get a good picture of exactly what’s happening in our country. When we begin to see how every action, every attitude we live, every opinion we hold either adds to the love in the world or adds to the fear, then true change can happen.

After all, there is only one thing we can have complete control over and that is ourselves. When we choose to change ourselves—dissolve our past traumas that act as foggy filters on how we see the world—peaceful possibilities will emerge. The power of love to generate more love is overwhelming.

· Start by simply seeing the beauty in another’s face—that alone changes the expression on our own faces and, therefore, generates the connection needed to create change.
· Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Smile, even when there’s no one around”. I don’t know why that works but it does.
· Take advantage of any excuse to laugh out loud.
· Detach from the outcome of a project or situation and just get lost in the beauty and excitement of creating and who you get to create with.
· Be around kids as much as possible. Run with them, kick a ball back and forth, lick popsicles together, look right into their faces when they talk to you, let go of what’s proper and just be a kid again. Repeat.
· Do anonymous good—lots of it. You know what’s fun? Find a name in the phonebook and write them an anonymous love note: “I’m so glad you’re alive in this world, your life touches so many people.” Just imagine them reading it. How would you react to such a note? Wouldn’t it stick in your mind? Maybe you’d use it as a bookmark for a while or tape it up on your bathroom mirror. You’d smile every time you read it.

We are all such pushovers for love, aren’t we? So here we are again—love or fear. What do I want residing in me and what do I want to give the world?

Please write and tell me about how you create love in the world.